It is unendingly fascinating to me how we can offer advice to each other in regards to our spouses like how to get along with them and make our relationships better.
Is that weird or maybe a little warped? At the very least, it would be considered odd. I suppose that we look to each other for some degree for validation or acceptance could be considered warped by some, maybe even wrong.
Unbelievably the things you tell me are taken to heart, and they do help, but there in lays what should be the dilemma, that being that I am moving away from you, granted, with your advice but strangely enough, I do not feel that. Would it be strange for me to say it has the opposite effect?
Odd that, an interesting paradigm and I find myself wondering why that is, and I can only come up with three possible explanations.
1. You seem to be offering me advice on how to move away from you and we all know, we want what we cannot have.
2. You genuinely want what is best for me and, that in and of itself makes me care for you more.
3. Maybe we (I) are getting comfortable with our relationship in where it is right now.
Who knows, I know I still think about you every day, and want to call and talk to you all the time or at least chat.
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5 years ago
8 comments:
Oh, that's a commont theme with my lovers. One particular cyber lover in particular. We speak constantly about our marriages...
Conquette: Really? That is very interesting. I've been thinking a lot about that and relationships in general. In particular taking what you need from your relationships as well as giving.
Hmm...I've had the opposite experience. We don't talk about each others permanent partners. I think its a way of us preserving our bubble.
My paramour doesn't like me to talk about my spouse, but I wish we could, and I wish he'd talk about his wife more. He will if I ask directly, but otherwise he won't.
I don't like pretending our spouses don't exist because that just intensifies that "bubble" effect.
Then again, I guess there's something to be said for preserving the illusion.
button: bubbles are a nice thing sometimes, and at one time I have existed in them but, I found myself loosing touch with things outside the bubble.
l: illusions are nice but, what to do when the wheels start to come off the illusion? been there done that. illusions are nice when kept in check I think.
I read your summary posts and discovered you are an ENFP. I am an ENTP. Not that it matters at all, just a point of interest.
Loved this post. it made me think
thanks for commenting on my blog
wish I could talk to you more about what you said
My email addy is on my profile
Hugs
I want to stay married, and I want the person I'm with to stay married. Moreover, I want us both to WANT to stay married.
And while an affair might be prompted by scarcity at home, it doesn't have to be sustained by it.
My whole attitude toward the subject is, "spousal sex, yay!" I hope my partner has some; I hope I have some too.
And I think most couples who aren't having sex aren't having it because it's become too emotionally difficult to sustain that kind of intimacy, which means talking about a couple's issues. Which I'm happy to do, with one exception: no trash talking. Back when I was looking for someone, any man who ran down his wife earned an automatic expulsion from my in-box. However he talks about her, I thought, he will eventually talk about me: plus, I always saw it as evidence of laziness, or lack of mettle -- here was a man who was unwilling to either put his shoulder to the wheel or leave, but was plenty willing to trash-talk his wife. Yuck! Not attractive.
helen: i agree, no trash talking nor personal attacks (i.e. "you're a dumbass"). it's one thing to think them but to actually say that to someone is a whole nother thing.
your comments about your husband getting what he can and you getting what you can were interesting.
i know it makes me a hypocrite but i'm a jealous person, even when it comes to the person i write this blog for.
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