Shackism #9

You can never love anyone until you learn to love yourself.

Pussy Whipped

Keeping all the pussies in line is tough work. These unsung heros deserve our respect.

I'm sorry but this video has ALWAYS cracked me up. I'm a cat lover and you really have to understand the personalities of cats to fully appreciate this video clip.

Shackism #8

Beat me, spank me, make me feel cheap.

From time to time I exhibit self destructive tendencies, and combine that with my clinical tendencies for obsession and compulsion, well what else can I say.

Shackism #7

An ounce of appearance is worth a pound of performance.

I've given these Shackisms a little thought and there is usually a little story that goes with each one so, I thought I might share a little.

In this particular instance , and I'm sure we have all experienced it from time to time but there is always that person at work, or down at the club, that damn they look good, and seem to get all the attention for really doing nothing, but hell if they don't look the part. Never mind there are others that actually do the work and keep the place running.

Don't get me wrong it never hurts to look good or look the part, but the whole point of this statement is that you can't always trust what you see.

Shackism #6

Sometimes, its easier to ask forgiveness than it is to ask permission.

Is Driving Sexual?

I had to ask myself this question today. See, today I had to drive to another city to pick up my kids, it's roughly 250 miles away and it's not a bad drive, I actually enjoy driving, but this holiday traffic is not too much fun, too many crazies on the road you know. Driving allows me plenty of time to think, and I am a thinker, today I was a singer, singing along with the songs on XM after I had my triple cafe latte.

At any rate, I was clicking along between 80 and 90, which is what I normally do if I can find a good "bird dog" to sniff out the state troopers and various city police.

Anyway to make a short story even shorter, this dude comes up on my rear pretty quickly so I move over to let him pass. As I may have mentioned in the past I have a love affair with my care, pretty much because It can haul ass and I like pretty much all female ass (yes my car is a girl, but she doesn't have a name. I may have to do something about this. Of course an unnamed woman, does have an air of mystic about it)

I decided to play with my new bird dog cuz he was driving one of those fancy Caddy's with the dual exhaust and hard lines. It's suppose to be pretty hot stuff. I cranked it up to about 110 to catch up to him, and this seemed to irritate him somewhat.

We ran into some traffic and had to slow down a bit and I decided to let him act a fool an weave in and out of the traffic. Yeah I caught him about 10 miles later and I didn't really act a fool.

I had reached my destination and realized I was sporting a chubby. Damn, that was fun, too bad I didn't have time to look for an oriental massage place. :) Oh yeah, I did say I wasn't going to do that anymore. hmmm.

Shackism #5

Anybody can drive fast in a straight line, it's the curves that will get ya.

My Gift To You

I debated about sharing this story that NEVER fails to bring a tear to my eye, if not openly bawling like a baby. I do not pretend to preach theology to anyone, nor cast judgments on anyone for what they may or may not believe. You will see what I mean if you read the story.

This is the story of a little boy that doesn't quite fit in, and when push comes to shove he gives of himself the things that are most valuable to him in all the world and in comparison to the other gifts, it was really nothing at all.

Those of you that have kids may see them in this story, others may see yourselves. I see myself, and my kids.

Anyway here it is: The Littlest Angel

Shackism #4

I'll show you where the bathroom is but I ain't wiping your ass.

Shackism #3

There is ALWAYS someone smarter, faster and better looking than you.

Shackism #2

The sun don't shine on the same dog's ass everyday.

Shackism #1

The best pussy in the world ain't worth the trouble... sometimes.

Clarification

I've received some questions about my current situation and I thought it would be good to clear up any misconceptions about me, just so anyone whom may happen to read this blog may know where I am coming from.

I am NOT involved with anyone at this point in time. This blog was started when I was kinda involved with someone that I had a strong connection with. Through reasons that are not 100% clear to me, we are no longer "involved".

The stories I started writing about, in particular Wild Ginger, and Wild Garlic, were part fact and part fantasy but they were stories for and about her. Stories I write now, in particular Road Trip, are stories from many years ago. It's nice to go over those in my mind and share a little.

That said, I am pretty much being a good boy, except for this latest obsession called the Shackleford Diaries, which I enjoy writing, and reading about the lives of others that have been or are in my same situation.

Road Trip, Part III

I moved down to kissing her neck, and she turned her head and let out an auditable moan, as my hands found their way to the bare skin of her back, so soft and supple. She was beginning to get that fuck me now look in her eyes, but I wanted to enjoy her body a little longer.

I discovered she was braless, and my hands found their way to her breasts. She raised her arms over her head and I slid off her shirt, reveling her quarter sized nipples which were fully erect. I moved to kissing her breasts and she rubbed on my cock through my jeans. Those tits were perfect and she seemed to grow more excited with each flick of my tongue and nibble of my teeth.

By now she was backed against a big tree, we were fully in it's shade, off the beaten path. Being out here with this woman's hands on me was quite a turn on.

I slid one had under her skirt to discover, what I had only hoped for earlier, and that was she wasn't wearing any panties. She slid her skirt down, and stepped out of it, and leaned back against the tree with her legs spread just enough to allow me access.

"fuck me now" she said.

"no"

I went down on my knees and spread her legs just a little more and began working her pussy with my tongue, lips and teeth. She was already wet, and the pungent scent of her desire was evident. As I continued to eat her, she began to play with her tits with one hand and the top of my head with the other. I love to see women play with themselves, and I didn't know if I could wait any longer.

I slid a finger into her pussy, and began with slow methodical strokes, in and out, as my tongue rubbed her clit. Her desire was building, and I slid another finger, along with the first into her moist pussy. She cried out "oh fuck", and I began to suck her clit. It was only a matter of a few sucks before she began to moan and cum.

I felt her pussy contract on my fingers, and her legs would not remain still. There was no way I was going to keep my mouth on her, so I kept my fingers right where they were and kissed her on the mouth. She seemed to really enjoy this kissing me on the outside and inside of my mouth.

Then she stopped and looked me in the eye. "Fuck me now". "Yeeees, I will fuck you now", I blurted out.

Her hands had undone my pants, and I slid them down around my ankles. I only got one leg out before I realized I was inside her hot moist pussy. She seemed to savor the moment I slid my dick into her, and wrapped her arms around me and she grabbed my ass this time. Slowly at first, she guided me in and out, and with each stroke of my hard throbbing cock, she was getting turn on again.

I watched her tits bounce as I reached the end of each stroke. This was such a turn on. Her nipples were standing firm and erect. She reached up and pinched one of her nipples, and let out another moan. Damn, I wanted her to cum again, but, she felt too good, I was enjoying this ride for all it was worth.

Soon my thrusts came harder and more demanding, and before I realized it I had let out a yell, that I'm sure could be heard for miles.

When I was finished I looked at her beautiful face, tousled hair, and fresh fucked glow and started laughing, for she had the biggest grin.

"I didn't even get my shirt off.", I said.

"There will be plenty of time for that later, I'm sure" she said.

We gathered up our clothing and whatnots and headed back to the car. This day was turning out to be a VERY good idea.
(to be continued)

I'm Sick

I have finally come to the conclusion that yes, I am sick. No it is not a fetish for feet, not that a fetish for feet is sick, though some might argue that point. Nor is it something that is so cool and grandiose as an adrenalin rush fixation which must be satisfied from time to time.

Yes, I do believe you can tell a lot about a person from their hands and feet. As a matter of fact hand and feet can be a turn on but it is a distinct plus in someone's favor, if they take care of their hands and feet. Okay, fuck me red nail polish is a turn on.

No, I am really sick. I suppose it is that time of year and you may have already experienced begin sick yourself this year, it's just a cold. And even though I pretty much feel crappy, I have reaffirmed a few things about myself so I thought I would share.

1. I get HORNY when I am sick. This may or may not be normal, but I find myself turned on quite easily, especially when I am just starting to get sick. The problem is I don't feel like exerting myself but, those times that I do, it is nice, and I am able to get some much needed rest.

2. I adopt a "I don't give a shit!" attitude. This is because, well, I don't give a shit. Don't get me wrong, I'm not an asshole, I just really don't feel like dealing with other people's shit. I'm sick damn it, so leave me alone.

Of course from time to time this attitude is in direct conflict with item 1 and creates a dilemma for which I really should find a solution.

3. No one is going to take care of me the way my mother use to. I know what you may be thinking, "well, you didn't marry your mother." Yes, I recognize this fact, and I don't expect anyone to take care of me the way she did, when I was a boy. But, what is nice to have from time to time, sick or not is that "I love you no matter what" affirmation, that only a mother can give to her child.

Oh well, this too will pass. I have some work to do while I'm conscious, and before my drugs kick in really good I suppose I had better do some of it.

HNT

At least I figured out how to pre-date this stuff so some people (Helen) won't give me a hard time about posting early!

Monogamous Sinner

Lionia coined the term polygamous sinner the other day and I was so intrigued with the term that I took it a step further and coined the term monogamous sinner.

As you can very well guess, because the terms are somewhat self explanatory, a polygamous sinner is someone that is having an affair with multiple people, excluding one's spouse of course, at the same time, so it would stand to reason that a monogamous sinner is one that is interested in hmmm, extracurricular activates with one person at time.

I fall into the latter category and as of late, neither one of the categories, so you, my dear readers, participants and observers get to reap the benefit of my situation at this point in time.

Why do I even mention all this? No reason really, I just liked the terms and wanted to use them somehow, and to share a little, now you know a little more about me. :)

Today, I don't know what to write about. No, I do not feel obligated to write something everyday but, sometimes it seems to some in spurts so you get the benefit of my spurtations (my own word).

I've got at least two topics going on right now, of course there's Road Trip, which I need to finish documenting, and then the safe internet practices thing and to be honest I'm not really feeling that at the moment.

I think what I'm feeling today is disenchantment... Yeah I can hear you now, "great another bitch session", well I don't have anyone else to bitch to at the moment so you get to listen, or Not, you can click over to something else. Ya gotta love the Internet.

Anyway, yesterday, I had an offer to change jobs, and of course being the expert negotiator that I am I told them I would like to think about it for a day or two and of course this would give me a chance to talk it over with W.

You know how much I work, I think I covered that in my last bitch session, anyway this would mean that I could work less and yes it would mean less money, but not a whole lot, the long and short of it was W wasn't too happy about it, then today she plays the "you work too hard card", and this really sent me over the edge. I mean damned if I do and damned if I don't.

I'm like WTF. I'm willing to admit I'm not the sharpest crayon in the box but, I do have an above average IQ, and I'm going to take care of the things that need to be taken care of... House payment, food, water, electricity, car payments, cable TV and phone... You get the idea.

Yes I will do what needs to be done to make it work, but sometimes it would be nice to have a little support. See now why I say I feel like a plow horse? Sometimes it would be nice if someone would just get on top from time to time.

Well that's my bitch for today, no matter what I do or think about doing it ain't right, or that's the way it seems. Thanks for listening , I feel better now.

Incognito

In light of recent development on some sites that I visit on a regular basis I though I might start a series on safe Internet surfing. The developments I am speaking of are on Button's site as well as Insatiable Kate.

Disclaimer: To be honest I have pondered doing this for a while simply because it feels a tad funny enabling people in things that generally are not good for them. NO NO NO, I am the last one to cast judgment, and I would never do that, and I am right there with you but, rarely do the things we typically discuss end well, without someone getting hurt, and that's what i feel a little funny enabling.

Also, I cannot be held responsible for anything you read on this blog, and surmise or decide to use. Please only do so at your own risk

Anyway that said, here we go:

Topic 1: Keeping your computer clean.

I have recently discovered Google Chrome, and have also discovered that his browser has a function that will let you surf the internet "incognito". You simply go to the little tool in the top right hand corner and click. Then select "New incognito window", and a new window sill pop up (See figure 1). You can also invoke the incognito window by clicking CNTL-SHIFT-N all at the same time.



What this function will allow you to do is surf the internet without leaving any traces on the computer. It is akin to visiting your banking website, and it may ask you if you are on a public computer, and if so, it will delete all passwords, cookies, and URLs that you might have used while using the browser. NOTE: any files and you may download, such as pictures will still be preserved.

Another thing I like about this function is that, when you close the window, it doesn't pause and ask you if you want to close all the tabs, it simply closes with little to no fan fair.

You can use this function for anything you normally do on the internet with some degree of assurance you are not leaving any tracks on your computer.

There are some things to do as well in other browsers such as IE, Firefox, and the lot, and we may discuss those. Google Chrome is simply easy to use, with very little setup required.

If you are interested in this and other topics please let me know and I will continue. If not I just may drop it.

Road Trip, Part II

We had decided to meet the following week in a hospital parking lot, far away from work. I had been sitting there about ten minutes, beginning to wonder if this really was a good idea or not, when she drove up in her green Honda Accord.

Instantly my doubts disappeared when I saw her but, through the glass I could tell she still had some second thoughts in her eyes. I smiled and winked at her though the glass, and this got me a sly smile. I nodded enthusiastically, like the excited nervous puppy I was, and shrugged my shoulders. She smiled even wider with a more confident and nodded back and motioned for me to come get in her car. I obliged and she hopped out of the driver seat to walk around to the other side of the car.

I couldn’t help but notice she took my advice about wearing a skirt which made me smile, and I couldn’t help but wonder if she was wearing panties or not. I had only admired her ass from afar but today, she was up close and personal and I enjoyed the thought of sharing this day with her.

I didn’t know what the day would hold, but I knew, we were doing this together, and it was going to be one to remember. I opened my trunk and got out the cooler I had, and put it on her back seat.

“What’s in there?” she asked.

“Our wine. We can’t have a road trip without wine.”

I leaned over and kissed her on the cheek, just to see how she was going to react, a test kiss if you will. To my pleasant surprise, she turned and slipped on hand behind my neck and pulled me into her. Her soft lips found mine, then her tongue, found mine, and her hand found my thigh. The kiss itself was deep and soulful, probing and exploitative and I reciprocated poring my very being into the kiss. For a moment the outside world was blocked out, I was not aware of anything other than her kiss and her hand on my thigh.

We gently ended the kiss, she pulled back, and looked me in the eyes, which seemed to want to swallow me up. “No, we can’t have a road trip without a kiss first.” She said. The words wouldn’t come to me at first so I simply smiled a half-grin and said “um hmm”.

Turning back to the steering wheel, I put the car in gear, and began to drive. Her hand never moved from my thigh, so I slid my hand over to hers and we rode in silence for a bit, she was looking out the window, and was most assuredly she was wondering what she had just done, and what she would be willing to do, for I was thinking the same thing.

After a while, I said, “Hey, if you are really feeling like a rebel, why don’t you get out a bottle of wine, there are some cups to pore it in so we don’t get busted”. She complied and soon we were cruising down the interstate, drinking wine, listening to music, bitching about work, and some of the things that made us tick. Her hand was still on my thigh and from time to time on my dick, as we drove, drank and talked.

We came to a state park which from the looks of it was rather empty, and found a place with no one around to park. We broke out the sandwiches I had brought and continued our discussions.

Finally I suggest that we talk a hike though the woods, on one of the trails and this idea she was all game for. We topped off our cups with wine and headed out into the wilderness. It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining, the trees were green but it wasn’t quite warm enough yet to be hot and sticky. Well at least the weather wasn’t. I knew I was hot and sticky already.

As we walked my hand had found it’s way to her waist, and we stopped and kissed, some more of those deep, soulful kisses, as she pressed herself into me, and my dick which couldn’t get much harder. I grabbed her ass and said "I want you now!"

(to be continued)

Bitch Session

Note: If you don't like to hear guys bitch about stuff, then you need read no further. Go find something a little more interesting to read.

I work hard every day. I go to a "normal" job five days a week which typically consists of eight hours of work. Then when I come home I usually retire to my office where I work a minimum of four to six hours every night. I put in a minimum sixteen hours on the weekend.

Why do I work so much? Necessity, see the wife stays at home, drive kids around amongst various and other sundry things and this rant of mine is not intended to minimize anything she may do.

What is it that I do? Nothing so glamorous as trading stocks on line of which multiple movies have been made. I work in technology, more specifically network technology, where I am kind of a jack of all trades there. I do everything from managing budgets, attending meetings to represent our IT interests to setting up computers and servers, websites, backups, email, etc... you get the idea.

Yes, as much as I hate to admit it, I am a computer GEEK (because I know this shit), though I prefer to think of myself as computer GURU (because I'm good at it). At any rate, that's what I do at during the day.

At night I have a small company (you can read into that, I am the company), but saying "I have a small company" sounds better, I started where I develop websites, and specifically I develop backend systems for websites.

I have very few requests, and on top of all I do, I try to make life for those around me as comfortable as possible. I am not a very demanding person in terms of my needs and requests but from time to time, I would like to be treated like I actually do something to take care of those around me. Hell I am the one that keeps the roof over their heads, the water flowing in their toilet, and food in their little tummies.

Yes, it's my choice to do that, but it is no small feat and with it comes a great deal of responsibility and from time to time I suppose I just don't want the responsibility, but then again I suppose everyone feels that way sometimes.

No, I don't know what the answers are, and maybe it's just the mood for today... resentment, not so much for the work , but for this feeling of underappreciation.

Road Trip, Part I

She was someone I had seen at work, a receptionist at the office where I work and anytime I saw her, she never failed to give me a smile.

Finally, one morning when I found myself in front of her desk, I offered, "You look nice today." And she did, a thigh length black skirt, tall spiked black leather ( or some semblance thereof) boots, and a tight fitting almost fuzzy pink sweater that barely contained her nicely formed tits.

Her smile broadened and she replied, "Thank you." as she tucked her blonde hair behind her right ear. She looked at me with her blue eyes and added "You really think so?"

Caught off guard, for I was sure she was use to hearing such compliments, the words that came out of my mouth next, showed my surprise. "Well, yeah! You ALWAYS look great!, In fact I've always wanted to ask you to play hooky from work with me."

"Seriously?" she said

"Well, yeah, I was thinking we could ditch work, grab a bottle of wine or two, and make a road trip." I said.

This statement seemed to make her a little uncomfortable, she began to blush a little, and bit her lower lip. "Let me think about that." she said, her posture visibly stiffened and she turned away.

"Talk about taking one in the gut." I thought. I swiveled around on my left foot and returned to my office. Of course I had work to do, but I couldn't stop thinking about how good she looked. Needless to say, I didn't get much work done that morning.

About time for lunch, I decided it was time to actually do some work. So I opted to get a something quick and bring it back to my desk. Heading out of my office I made it to the elevator, punched the button and waited.

Within a moment or two, I felt the presence of someone, and sure enough it was her. "Hi" I said, and she replied back "Hi.", just as the elevator arrived, so we stepped on, and punched our buttons, and it began to move.

She turned to me, reached up with her left hand touched me on the arm and asked in a low sultry voice, "Seriously?".

Taken completely by surprise, but keeping my cool, I slipped my arm around her waist, leaned in to her hear, my lips barely brushing against her ear and whispered "Yes, I'm very serious." She seemed to melt and tense up all at the same time, a little in my arm, and she let out a soft warm "mmmm hmmm".

When we parted, her eyes were half closed, like she was still savoring the moment. I know that touching her had an effect on me as well, as I was beginning to pitch a tent. Damn I hate slacks for that very reason, but this time it seemed to please her.

"I'll call you and we can work it out." I said.

"Okay"

(to be continued)

Why

"I was born a poor black child." - Steve Martin, The Jerk

Not much do I remember from this movie, but I do remember that line. And I remember too that he had a "special purpose" and that special purpose is something that was meant to be cherished and guarded. He did eventually share his special purpose, as best I can remember with someone that loved and respected him.

I suppose deep within each of us there is a need for acceptance and approval, and depending on the various factors in our life, that need for acceptance ebbs and flows depending with whom we are interacting with at different points in our lives.

Why do should this even be mentioned? Because the need for acceptance and approval drives our actions and reactions to those around us.

When we are in relationships with people that we have committed to make a part of our lives, for the rest of our lives, and we find our need for acceptance and approval not being fulfilled then that creates quite a quandary.

We have two options as I see it, possibly three:

Option 1. We can exist within the relationship without ever trying to change anything.

In reality, this is rarely the answer. Yes, sometimes it is the easiest route, and only one person in the relationship receives fulfillment. And if the person who's needs are not getting fulfilled doesn't feel comfortable or can't try option 2, they will either accept the relationship on the terms dealt to them, or they will go to option 3.

Option 2. Try to change the relationship dynamic so we receive approval and acceptance.

This is probably the first course of action for most people, to try and work out relationship difficulties so both parties receive what they need in the relationship. While this is usually the first course of action.

Option 3. Look elsewhere.

It should be noted that persons finding themselves at option 3, might not actively be looking outside their primary relationship, or at least not aware they are but, they NEED approval and acceptance, and sometimes when it comes to relationships they are found out. There is a vacuum. And Thoreau had something to say about that:

“Nature abhors a vacuum, and if I can only walk with sufficient carelessness I am sure to be filled.”
-- Henry David Thoreau

Mr. Thoreau also said:

“There is no remedy for love but to love more.”

Suffice it to say that I have been through all the options, and I have vacillated between option 1 and option 2 for a while, for it seems when one approaches a relationship using option 2, things get better for awhile but then they revert.

I have said all that as a background before I give you the backdrop to this play that is I.R. Shackleford.

Yes, there is a Mrs. Shackleford, but if you called her that she would think you are crazy, for you see, she knows nothing about this blog, I doubt she would understand (i.e. she's not THAT open minded), nor would she understand the therapeutic remedy it has provided.

I've found it a point of interest, that no one has asked me why "I.R. Shackleford" or "Shackleford Diaries" as the name for a blog, because I don't expect that anyone thinks that is my real name.

This blog was started as a result of someone expressing interest in me, and yes giving me the approval and acceptance that I needed and needed but, really wasn't looking for at the time. This blog was a way for me to express my thoughts and feelings toward this person when I felt the need. I knew she would read it from time to time.

For reasons, I still do not fully understand, her circumstance changed and the approval and acceptance I had come to expect were no longer there. It was very short lived.

In the process of documenting my thoughts and feelings I ran across those of a kindred spirit. They have commented on this blog, and I theirs. I follow with interest what they have to say, and with what they are going through.

In a funny sort of way, and I know this is really sad, they have provided a sense of approval and acceptance, and for that I am thankful. I have come to appreciate the minds and people behind these blogs because of what they write, it is real, heartfelt and intelligent.

I hope this makes sense.

She

For the life of me I can’t remember the poem I was composing as I was falling asleep last night. As far as my poetry goes, it wasn’t half bad. No I do not imagine myself to be one but every once in a while there are words bouncing around in my gray matter that really do convey what I am feeling and they need to come out.


She Comes to Me

She comes to me softly,
In the middle of my slumber,
Her desire is evident,
An insatiable hunger,
Pressing up against me,
Her desire to consume,
Turning over, I see
Nothing in the room.
Save for the gentle outlines
Of her face so sweet,
But in her eyes, unmistakable,
On me she wants to feast.
I yield to her advances,
Her beauty I behold,
But growing deep within
Desire, grown of old,
From something once repressed,
Aching to be free,
Thankful that finally,
She can trust me.
-- I.R. Shackleford

PS. Please forgive any misspellings, I am a terrible speller, and I know the words I want to use, but sometimes after Word gets through with them, I might not have them in the correct context. The word that prompted me to put this post script was “insatiable”. It just looks funny now, but please feel free to let me know if something doesn’t look right.

HNT

Okay, I know it's not Thursday but I may not be around on Thursday so, after some arm twisting and following through on a bet/dare by Helen and Button here is my very first HNT.

Please note, part of said bet/dare, was that Helen would send a pic to Veni's Anonymous HNT, if Veni, is willing to post it. Helen doesn't have a blog she wants to share with us. I forgive her anyway. We will see.

"After Shower"

Whatever

I've always felt strongly about the word "whatever", it is so many things rolled into one. But most of all it's dismissive, and I don't mean it that way in in the context of this post. In this case, it is dismissive not of you but more of holding on to the past.

See, I’ve been reading back over this blog and the things I have written over the past few months, and at some point, I realized today, I stopped writing for you, and I started writing for me. I imagine I will continue to write, though I’m not sure if I will change the name of this blog or not, because it isn’t for you anymore, and I know you don’t read it that much.

I know all that sounds kind of depressing, but it’s not in the least. I’ve taken some of your advice and the advice of some of my blogger friends and have started to do some proactive things in my marriage. I don’t know if they will make a difference, but I know not doing anything can only make it worse.

So there it is, ultimately it is my choice on life, love, happiness, and I suppose, being the eternal optimist that I am, I will bump my head against the wall some more and see what happens. Shake the tree and see if any apples fall down. Sorry, I liked the tree shaking analogy and wanted to use it.

So what does all this mean? I guess it means I don’t need you like I did at one time, hell, I wasn’t really looking for anyone when I found you. I knew something was missing and I looked to you to fill that, and probably still would.

So what did you say in the beginning? “This can only end bad?” Well, I guess it didn’t end that bad after all.

Today

Today

Note: Please as you read this do not judge me. I am sharing more than I ever have with anyone. I do not write this to brag, but merely to document. Please look at it from that perspective.

I debated about even posting my activities for today, for fear someone might think “bad” for me for what I am about to tell, but it is some of what goes into making up whom I am.

Today was a banner ego building day. It is late and I am tired but I wanted to write about it while it was somewhat fresh on my mind.

Today I was spent traveling by car about 400 miles to another city in my state. I will be out of town most of the week. That said, the wife always, what I consider a going out of town fuck on those weeks that I do have to travel. That brings up a whole other topic which I may talk about sometime, but suffice to say this time she did not.

On my way out of town I stopped at a gas station I frequent to fill up, and the girl behind the counter made it a point to tell me she was not in a relationship at the current time, then asked me for my phone number, and even fondled my finger a little while I was signing my receipt. Needless to say this did worlds for my ego, though she is not really my type… I’m just saying. The day started out well.

As I have already said, the trip was a long one though I have driven much further in the past, but today I was just not comfortable in the car. My upper back was really tight and I have been trying to get in to see a masseuse for a couple days. About 300 miles into the trip I saw a sign for “therapeutic massage” about 50 miles ahead.

I have always not held such places in high regard but today, given the fact I was driving and my back hurt and I had 50 miles to think about it, as I approached the exit, I veered off at the last minute. I almost got back on the interstate but something, something made me pull up to the place.

Yes, it was an oriental massage place. Ok I know what you are thinking, hell I was thinking it… “happy ending” but that is really not why I was there and at this point I really didn’t care, I was committed. I went in, and the prices were 30 min for $60 or 1 hour for $80. Well being the bargain hunter that I am I could see the value in a 1 hour massage.

I was met by the small oriental lady, and she showed me to my room, and told me in broken English to get undressed and lay down on the table. there were not any sheet s to cover up with on the table which I was accustom to but, hell she had my money. She left and I did as instructed. I was not given any instruction on face up or face down so I opted for face down, my naked ass pointing toward the ceiling.

She came back in and began to give me my massage. Everything proceeded as normal, well I assume normal for an oriental massage. It consisted of her rubbing, chopping, and yes even walking on my back and it was wonderful.

She actually put me in to various positions so she could massage my arms and chest, and I have to say it really was the most complete massage I had ever had. When it was all said and done, she was standing over me a towel was draped over my pecker. She looked at my pecker, and said “you want me massage?”

Now I know you will not believe this as you read, but it was totally unexpected for her to say that, and I had totally dismissed the thought of a happy ending about 2 minutes after walking into the establishment. I mean the thought was so far out of my mind, my pecker was laying there quite comfortable enjoying just hanging out. Before I realized it I had said yes. It was almost surreal, in one had she had my pecker and in the other my balls.

This woman was gifted in the art of the “happy ending” for she had my pecker standing at attention with a couple of firm strokes. This seemed to make her happy, and it didn’t take long because I was already in a bad way.

Left there feeling, quite satisfied and relaxed.

Once I got to my destination, it was still early and I decided to visit a nearby casino. I love going to these places because I enjoy meeting people and talking to them, and yes I enjoy gambling.

About an hour or so into the gambling, there was this small group of one guy and two girls that came up to play. They were a little younger than I, still in college from what I gathered. The way it ended up I was sitting next to one of the girls, she was sitting next to the other girl then the guy.

I gave the girls some money to play with because I didn’t want them to get bored and struck up a conversation with the girl sitting next to me. As it turn out, the guy use to be her boyfriend but wasn’t any longer.

To make a long story short, because it is late and I am tired and my beer is wearing off. The girl began to flirt with me a little, touching my shoulder. I figured what the hell, I’ve had 6 beers. I began playing footsies with her and she seemed to enjoy it.

Well needless to say her X boyfriend didn’t like it. He had I don’t know how many rum and cokes, but, just enough to start letting his pride get in the way. She went to sit next to him after a bit, and my beer was kicking in really good by then, so, I started playing footsies with her around the other girl.

She got up to go to the restroom, so I gave her time to get there, then I went. My timing was perfect, she was exiting the women's restroom just as I was the men’s. I put my finger up in the air and motioned for her to come over to me. Oh, there was a twinkle in her eye. All I really wanted was a kiss and I was intent upon getting one. And damn if jealous x-boyfriend didn’t come around the corner.

The three of them left after that, and I will never see her again, but damn, that was the first time I have really been that forward with a woman that I didn’t know.

Then on my way back to my hotel, I stopped at a waffle house. And damn if there wasn’t another young attractive woman that was interested in me. I talked with her for a bit, drank my coffee and ate my eggs and toast. I paid and left but hell, it felt good to have another 25 Year old woman interested in me.

Today was a banner day, a day of two firsts.

I will never go to an oriental massage again, and the happy ending really isn’t why I went there, I kept expecting cops to jump out from somewhere about half way through it when what was going on really hit me. Hell, they probably got my picture, and are mailing it to my house right now.

And, a very attractive 25 year old woman was interested in me, and I didn’t shy away. I don’t know what would have happened or even if I would have let anything happen, but it’s nice to know, even though she had been drinking, she was interested.

Expectations, Part III

The thing about passion, expectations and desire is very rarely are they static. In light of my thoughts as of late about these topics it occurred to me that the parameters which define these things today will not be the same parameters which define them tomorrow.

So what does this realization mean? It means that it is the parameters effecting passion, desire and expectations are constantly changing because of my experiences.

I have to admit I was kind of proud of this realization, well maybe not so proud as much as relieved because it has helped me to have a better understanding of myself, and to focus on those things which are important.

No, it does not mean that all my passions, desires, and exceptions are fulfilled, but they just may change.

Expectations, Part II

I’ve given some thought in response to some comments about expectations and have come to a conclusion or two and it wasn’t until I was actually doing this that I realized something about myself. I am a list person of sorts. You would never guess that by looking at my desk, I got shit everywhere. Nor do I make lists when I go to my local Wal-Mart. But when it comes to matters of this nature I do have to organize.

Anyway, this seems the logical way to deal with expectations:

Note: before you read any further, it is not one of my desires, fantasies, or expectations to have my toes sucked. Toe sucking is merely the first thing that popped into my head to use as an example.

Determine my expectations, not only from others but from myself as well. We can all pretty much come up with a list of expectations we have of others and they generally start with “I wish she would suck my toes.”

Evaluate my expectations and ask myself if they are reasonable or not. An unreasonable expectation might be “I wish she would suck my toes and tell me she loves it.” Because I know she has this thing about feet.

Express my expectations in as non-confrontational manner as possible. I mean I could say “Suck my toes, bitch!” but that might not be a wise move on my part.

Reevaluate my expectations based on feedback. Given the previous example “she” might say something like. “Fuck you! You son of a bitch!” With this helpful feedback I could rephrase my expectations… “Would you please suck my toes?” Then ever so softly, “bitch.”

All said and done this has been a good exercise for me.

Expectations

I have given a lot of thought to the word expect, or more to the point the word expectations.

Of course, I’m sure others have expectations of me such as, I bring home a pay check or I continue showing up at work. I would consider these rudimentary type expectations, unless I totally wig out one day and drive past the exit I must take to go to work, and believe me the thought has crossed my mind, more than once. But these types of expectations aren’t really expectations they are givens. It is a given I will do those things.

Then of course there are the expectations I have and maybe it is because of the mood I have been in recently or something related, but it has caused me to have fewer and fewer expectations of others. I find it is easier that way.

Simply put if I expect nothing, then nothing can be done to disappoint me. To take that a step further, if I have expectations of others then I, to a degree, relinquish some of myself reliance.

To free us from the expectations of others, to give us back to ourselves--there lies the great, singular power of self-respect. - Joan Didion

Cumbersome

I've given this topic a great deal of thought lately and I think this pretty much sums up the way I feel as of late. It is kinda like I don't know what to do next. No this is not directed toward anyone in particular, it is just a feeling in general. It may even be directed at myself, who knows.

Do you ever feel this way? Cumbersome, awkward, goofy, stupid, or just can't do anything right? I like to characterize is as being a moron, a social moron, a relationship moron.

If I were to look at this feeling objectively (i.e. if someone came to me and said they felt this way), I suppose I would tell them they need to find their own happy place within, because what it boils down to in the long run, people will let you down, and if you look to anyone else for any feelings of self-worth you will always be disappointed.

Ah, but like all psychologists, yes, I fancy myself an amateur psychologist, I know what one needs to do to solve their problems, and freely offer my advise but, rarely do I follow it. That brings up another observation about psychologists that being, most of them go into that profession because they are pretty screwed up themselves, but that is a topic for another discussion.

Now I'm rambling, and I believe this too will pass.

Anyway, love this song.



Cumbersome Lyrics:

She calls me Goliath and I wear the David mask
I guess the stones are coming too fast for her now
I'd like to believe this nervousness will pass
All the stones that are thrown are building up a wall

I have become, cumbersome to this world
I have become, cumbersome to my girl

I'd like to believe we could reconcile the past
Resurrect those bridges with an ancient glance
But my old stone face can't seem to break her down
She remembers bridges and burns them to the ground

I have become, cumbersome to this world
I have become, cumbersome to my girl


(Chorus)
Too heavy, too light, too black or too white
Too wrong or too right, today or tonight
Cumbersome
Too rich or too poor, she's wanting me less
And I'm wanting her more
The bitter taste is cumbersome
Yeah! Ah, yeah, no... yeah. Ohhh.

There is a balance between two worlds
One with an arrow and a cross
Regardless of the balance, life has become cumbersome

Peace

There is something rejuvenating about being out in nature away from this computer to which I will in all probability be attached to the rest of my life.

No I don't have to look very far or travel a great distance to be out in nature, but, making a conscious decision to leave what I consider my tackle and plow behind, that being the work I do.

My work does not stop on Friday and begin again on Monday. Nor does it end at five on any given day and at this point in my life it is no longer a question of if I want to work, it is a question of when I will work and that gets old.

Desire

Today I had a very strong desire to touch you. I don’t know why, nor what spurned it but out of nowhere there was a physical yearning throughout my body to feel your body next to mine. I wanted to be able to touch and caress you, feel you and taste you. Yeah I know we are being good, but being good isn’t always fun. Being good has its drawbacks too, and I suppose that is one of them, this undeniable desire to touch you.

It seems those desires are at least held at bay a little bit when I know I can call you and talk to you, that helps I suppose, though it is not the same as actually being with you. But, peering into your psyche, your humor, the way you talk, the sound of your voice, do seem to help.

I suppose this is one of my moments of weakness because I know if you were here with me now, I would not be able to not touch you.

Thanksgiving

Things I'm thankful for this Thanksgiving:

NOTE: these are not in any order of preference or importance, simply the order in which they pop into my mind. Except for the one about you.

1. To be alive.

As I think about that one, reflecting back to my childhood and one obsession about having a terminal illness. Smiling now as I think about that, yes, I am glad to be alive.

2. My mother, one of the few people I would willing die for.

I remember asking my mother when I was young how old she was. "36" she said. And I remember think how OLD that seemed at the time. That's been 20 years ago, and she lives in another state. No not a another metaphysical but an actual state. (sorry I'm in a funny mood this morning.)

3. Kids, the other few people I would willing die for.

If I had it to do over again, there are times when I would give them back. My kids are in their teens (oops I just dated myself) but, the thing that keeps me from killing them is flashback to when I held them on my chest and rocking them back and forth because that is the only way the could sleep. Of course I think about all the money I would have, trips to the Bahamas, cars and motorcycles if it weren't for them. All you can do is love them through these years.

4. Wife.

Is that a little too honest, outside the bubble? In this blog that is for me to talk about my thoughts and feelings as they are concerned toward you but, she is a good woman.

6. Dog, I like to think she would willingly die for me. :-)

You can't out love a dog. I have learned from experience that you can kick, choke, and cuss your dog and they still love you. The very worst thing you can do to your dog is ignore her. Seems like there is a lesson in there somewhere. Ya think?

7. Car.

I wouldn't say I love my car, lust maybe because, when I'm in my car doing 100+ MPH radio blaring, it is such a rush.

8. Garlic.

For this I am truly in love/lust with. Cheese is a close second.

9. You.

Because you have inspired me on so many levels. Simply read this blog and you will know that. I am thankful that I know you.

Hmmmm

It is unendingly fascinating to me how we can offer advice to each other in regards to our spouses like how to get along with them and make our relationships better.

Is that weird or maybe a little warped? At the very least, it would be considered odd. I suppose that we look to each other for some degree for validation or acceptance could be considered warped by some, maybe even wrong.

Unbelievably the things you tell me are taken to heart, and they do help, but there in lays what should be the dilemma, that being that I am moving away from you, granted, with your advice but strangely enough, I do not feel that. Would it be strange for me to say it has the opposite effect?

Odd that, an interesting paradigm and I find myself wondering why that is, and I can only come up with three possible explanations.

1. You seem to be offering me advice on how to move away from you and we all know, we want what we cannot have.
2. You genuinely want what is best for me and, that in and of itself makes me care for you more.
3. Maybe we (I) are getting comfortable with our relationship in where it is right now.

Who knows, I know I still think about you every day, and want to call and talk to you all the time or at least chat.

Wild Garlic, Part II

The next day I was able to order the computer parts needed for her father’s computer and decided to work out a time when I could come by and fix the computer in question. We set a time for the following evening where we would meet at her father’s house.

“The only thing is no one will be there, my parents are going out of town. Do you have a problem with that?” she asked.

“Ummm. No I don’t have a problem with that.” I responded. “I will be by about six.”

“Okay.”

The next day was long, I was so looking forward to being alone with her. The time finally came to head to her father’s house. Again it was dark and cold that evening and the house did not look as inviting as it did a couple nights ago as I pulled into the driveway. Only a few lights were on but that did nothing to dampen my spirits.

I walked up to the door and rang the bell. In a moment she met me and let me in. I could not get over how she was able to take my breath away seeing her again.

Again she was in blue jeans, a sweater, and socks. I do not know how she did it for I have seen many a woman dressed similarly but no one sent the electricity she sent though my body when she walked.

“Hi, would you like some wine?” she asked. “You can leave your shoes here.” She continued.

“Why, yes, yes I would.” I responded.

“Let’s put those boxes down here in the office and get some then.” She said.

We walked into the office and I placed the boxes I had brought down. She turned around and lead me into the kitchen and I watched the sway of her ass the entire way. She poured both of us a generous helping of white wine and we headed back toward the office.

As we walked into the office the image of her bent over the desk instantly flashed back into my mind. And I could feel myself plump up instantly.

As I began working on the computer, we talked about work, politics, on which she and I could not find a common ground, and sex.

“Oh, we are out of wine, would you like some more?” She asked.

“Of course.” I said.

I continued working and she returned with the rest of the first bottle and another bottle in tow.

“I think I may love this woman.” was the thought that went through my mind upon seeing the wine and yes it was probably the wine talking at the moment but, I knew I wanted to fuck her and fuck her hard.

It was still early, “we” had only been working about an hour but it was evident that we needed some computer parts and we needed some food. We decided to get some of both.

Things being what they were, we decided to get the computer parts first then acquire some food. The restaurant of choice was Italian which we both love dearly and the restaurant we ended up at was one of her favorite for their garlic rolls.

I ordered a beer and she had some wine to have with the salad and garlic rolls. By now we were both feeling pretty good all of our senses being lustfully filled. With every sip of beer and every bite of the rolls I wanted her even more. My oral fixation was really beginning to kick in and I wanted to taste her mouth, her neck, and her pussy.

The meal was beyond compare. It really was one of those hole in the wall kind of places that few people know about but, I would not be forgetting it ever again.

When we finished we returned to her father’s house to finish our work. She graciously poured each of us another glass of wine and we started to work, installing our newly acquired computer parts and continuing our discussions. I loved her mind. Everything she said to me made me think, and the sarcastic humor I find in myself I found in her.

The computer needed to format the hard drive and it was going to take a little time. We decided to get ourselves another bottle of wine so I followed her down to the entertainment room where the wine was stored. There was also in this room an array of various games one of which was pool. Instantly, visions of her bent over the pool table flashed in my head.

“Do you play pool?” she asked.

“I have a stick.” I said.

I know there are probably one thousand and one sexual puns one could use while playing pool. You got your balls, pool sticks, racking of the balls, putting it in the pocket, sinking it in deep… I decided to leave it at “I have a stick”.

“You have to break because I don’t do that.” She said as she opened the bottle of wine and poured us each another glass.

(to be continued)

Winter

The days have been long and I find myself getting tired, physically tired. I do hope I’m not getting sick. It usually seems this time of year when it gets dark so early I find it difficult to motivate myself and even find myself out of sorts. I am determined not to let that happen this year though I can’t wait for December 21 when the days begin to get longer again. I’m going to keep the running up and have set some goals, I will be running in some runs around here preparing for a ½ marathon.

This week has seemed unusually busy and that my have something to do with my lack of motivation. I have found myself thinking about you and when I can spend some time with you again because you are such a joy for me to be around. I find myself laughing, smiling, and seem to forget all my cares if only for a little while. I find myself wanting you and desiring to take you and ravish you then to lay with you hold you, entangled with you.

And with all the holidays coming up it may be a while and with your resolve some of those things may never happen. But, I still think about them and maybe my promise to honor your wishes may soon be diminished.

Smile

It was good to talk to you today, you are always a nice finish to a busy day. You make me smile.

Dreamer

I am a giver so, let me give.
I am a pleaser, so let me please.
I am a lover, so let me love.
I am a dreamer so, let me dream.

You cannot let me be,
All the things that you need.
Grant me this one request,
Leave my dreams... take the rest.

This was inspired in part by you, and in part by W.B. Yates from his poem "He Wishes for the Clothes of Heaven"

Had I the heaven's embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread lightly because you tread on my dreams.

Dreaming

Tonight I was awakened from my sleep while in the middle of a dream. As those things happen, the dream was fully retained in my memory and if I don't at least get some of it down it will be lost for ever because it was a good dream.

As yo can imagine if I'm writing it here then it is probably about you and it was. Maybe it is a result of the time I was able to spend with you this week I don't know but it was not the normal erotic dream you might be expecting.

As dreams go, it was somewhat discontinuous, the story lines were disconnected as you kept coming in and out of subconsciousness.

We were simply together at one point we were asleep on the bed and you were snuggled up to me. Another, we had gone deep sea fishing (don't ask me why) but we were having a good time out on the ocean in the sun. Finally, I was giving you a piggyback ride your legs around my waist, arms around my neck and your head next to mine.

That's all I remember and I've had my cookies and my milk. I will go back to bed now.

Wild Garlic, Part I

I’ve never thought of myself as a computer geek even though I have been called that from time to time. but, I do like to dabble in working on computers mostly to help friends out and on occasion I’ve been known to help out a friend of a friend.

As it happened on this occasion, I had volunteered to help a friend of friend and seeing how I was going to be in town for a week or so it seemed the appropriate thing to do was to offer my services.

Not being the computer geek that I am, my only requirement was to work for wine which I enjoy dearly, sometimes too much.

The evening was cold, wet and very dark and I was soon wishing I hadn’t offered my services. After driving around a bit, I was able to find the large house in the affluent neighborhood. Pulling into the driveway, the house looked warm and inviting and I was ready to relax a bit even though I was there to work.

I got out of the car and walked up to the door and rang the bell and was greeted by a very attractive young lady wearing blue jeans, a blue sweater and black socks with holes exposing that dark toenail polish.

She really had that college girl thing going on with dark tousled hair, cute eyes and a beautiful smile. I've never been that turned on by young women, I've always found women a little older attractive but something about this one was worked. Also, I don’t know why I’ve always had an affinity for short dark hair and I was instantly turn on by her. The electricity she gave off sent shivers down my spine and gave my member a plump disposition.

With a quick hug, she said hello and asked me to come in. We strolled into the living room where I was given the requisite wine, as payment for the services I would to be rendering that evening.

I was introduced to everyone in her family for this was a night that her family got together and it was her father’s computer that was suppose to be the object of my attention that evening, but I couldn’t keep my eyes off her and she knew it because I didn’t do a very good job of concealing my attraction to her.

After dinner and another glass of wine, it was time to take a look at the computer in question. I followed her and her father into his office.

Her blue jeans fit her perfectly, and her as was a joy to watch, not just her ass but the way she walked her whole body moved in a sexy orchestra of sensuality.

They say guys have sexual thoughts like every 10 seconds or minute or something. I forget what the statistic is but with two glasses of wine in me and watching this orchestra in motion all of my senses were beginning to overload.

At that moment all I could think about is having my body pressed against her from behind, so she could fee how she excites me and gently kissing her neck, tasting her skin, and smelling her hair.

We made it to the office and I began looking at the computer. From time to time she would lean over the desk pulling the blue jeans tight and standing on her tip-toes to see what was going on. I was full hard on now but she couldn’t see. All I could think about was taking her from behind, fucking her hard, caressing her tits and back while I fucked her. I just wanted to touch every inch of her.

Yep, there was a problem with the computer and that couldn’t be fixed that night. Actually, there were two problems that couldn’t be fixed that night and now one of them was mine, I was beginning to obsess over this lust I had for this woman. I needed to get out of there before all the wine I had drunk that evening kicked all the way in.

“Well, you do have a problem with your computer.” I said. “It will require that I order some parts and come back another time to install them.”

“That will be fine.” Her father said. “Just work it out with my daughter.”

“That sounds good, I’m sure I can get what we need and make it back later in the week.” I said.

I gathered up my things and headed toward the door. She was close behind. I turned to her and gave her a hug and told her I would call her tomorrow. She smiled and gave a quick wink. I wasn’t sure if it was a nervous tick from drinking, or if she was trying to tell me something.

Being the optimist that I am, I decided to hope for the best.

As for the moment I couldn’t get back to my hotel room, because I knew who I would be thinking of tonight when I took care of my needs.

(to be continued)

Tired

It’s late, the end of the day and I sit in my hotel room, on the floor at the end of the bed and I realize that I am tired, both physically and emotionally.

This time it’s not a bad thing. It’s like I’ve come to the end of a journey and all the little things that have been floating around in my head for the past few days have fallen into place. The square pegs falling into the square holes and the round pegs falling into the round holes. And all I have to do now is crawl into bed and sleep.

Before I do though I do have to wonder about one irritating peg that as of yet has not found its little hole and that peg is guilt. I’m not really sure what shape that peg is, maybe it’s still evolving, or maybe it’s an octagon and there aren’t any octagon shapes on my board.

Anyway, here’s what I wonder, the guilt doesn’t seem to bother me as it once did. Yes it’s still there and it is troublesome little peg from time to time.

For the time being I suppose I will leave it be, and go back to my life as it was and be thankful that the “this can only end bad” didn’t happen.

I still wonder about that peg though.

Trying

I have come to the realization that I cannot please everyone, so I will try to please no one.

Don’t get me wrong it is not an issue of not caring what others think about me for in fact I do but, the fact of the matter is I really have no control over what others think about me, be it in business or in relationships and any other areas that aren’t covered under one of those two umbrellas.

SO, I resolve to quit trying and be myself.

You may wonder how this relates to you and even why I am writing this. I suppose the reason is that for whatever reason you don’t seem to need me like you did a couple months ago. I think you would like to know that I’m not mad, hurt or even jealous for I’m not.

I’ve told you before that I want you to be happy in your relationship and that is the truth, and I hope you can find what makes you happy.

Yeah we can still be friends. ;-)

Weary

I have become weary.

At least for the moment my passion has left me. The music I enjoy holds nothing. The running I do, because I have to. The work I do, because it is required of me. I am tired of trying to please those around me, who’s expectations spoken or not press down, smothering the very breath and life out of me.

I hate this feeling, and the dread that comes with it. The dread that just when I think something worse can’t happen, it usually does.

It is during these times I realize my failures, and short comings, for I know they exist but it is during my times of weariness they come crashing in and engulf my being.

Maybe it’s a normal part of life the ebb and flow, the yin to balance the yang. So the weariness must be endured.

I suppose I should be thankful that it does not occupy my life for even greater periods.

Wild Ginger, Part III

I took another drink of my wine and slid my hands to her thighs and kissed her on the neck. She stood up, damn I loved that ass, and I knew I had taken this a bit too far, but to my surprise she turned around and sat down straddling me.

“There” she said, “that should make it easier.” And kissed me on the neck, cheek then my mouth, gently brushing her tongue across my lips. My lips parted and I could taste the wine in her mouth.

My hands moved to hips and pulled her closer to so she could feel my dick. Our kissing intensified growing more passionate with every breath.

My hands had work their way back under her shirt now and her uncovered breasts were perky and firm… her nipples were standing erect and this drove me even wilder my hips were beginning to move now slow and rhythmically straining to free themselves from my shorts. She seem to enjoy the slow shallow methodical ride she was getting.

I slid my hand up under her skirt, along her and caressed her ass. Much to my surprise she was without panties.

I leaned in a little more and was able to reach all the way around to find her pubic hair then back a couple inches to her clit.
She released a sigh and smiled and continued to kiss me.

Slowly and firmly at first I massaged her clit, letting her get use to having me touch her. She was beginning to move rhythmically now, slowly almost instantly. She stopped kissing me and buried hear head into my neck, I could hear her moan with pleasure.

I slipped a thumb into her warm moist pussy and was able to continue massaging her clit.

She was really starting to rock her hips now, and my clit finger had change to a faster lighter touch with my thumb inside her. Though her shirt I was able to nibble on her nipples. This really seemed to send her over the edged.

She bit her lip, closed her eyes and everything tensed at once. Her pussy clamped down on my thumb and I could feel the organism radiating through her body.

She pulled back and looked me in the eyes.

“I want you inside me. Now!”

A quick look around I could see we were in the clear, or at least it seemed that way, because to be honest I really wasn’t thinking about where we where or if anyone was around or not.

I quickly undid my shorts, slid them down and settle into my seat.

She lifted her skirt and I could see her dark bush I had already been acquainted with.

I watched as the bright red head of my dick disappeared into her perfect pussy. She was warm, moist and ready for me, it was perfect, she was perfect.

She began to rock back and forth, rolling her hips front to back, all I had to do was sit there but I couldn’t. I put my hands on her hips and began to feel the rhythm. With her hands on my shoulders to steady herself I could feel her intensify. The aroma we were giving off was intoxicating, we smelled like sex, strong and musky. I could taste it in her mouth too.

Damn, she was ready to cum again, and so was I . As soon as she started, I couldn’t wait any longer. For what seemed like hours I’d had a hard on for this woman and I would not be any containing it any longer.

My hips vaulted with the release which seemed to last for ever, and I was barely able to control the scream which came from my mouth.
When we were both done, she kissed me.

“That was the best girls night out I’ve ever had” she said.

“That was the best girls night out I’ve ever had” I said.

She stood up and adjusted her skirt, and I slid my shorts back on.

We left the restaurant together and I walked her to her car.

“I’m glad I got to know you better” I said.

“Me too.” She said.

Wild Ginger, Part II

I returned to the bar and ordered a bottle of wine and took it to the patio.
There were not many people outside, and it was still light though the sun was beginning to fade. The band sounded better out here without the encumbrances of people, walls, windows and doors.

There has always been something liberating about being outdoors and here was no exception.

I found a table sat down and waited. After a little time she appeared and walked toward me with a sly smile on her face. That walk, was probably just as sexy walking toward me as it was walking away, the way her hips moved from side to side, I could only image them moving back and forth on top of me.

She sat down and I poured her a glass of wine and I drank in the wine, the music, the atmosphere and her. A more perfect evening I could not ask for.

At least from my perspective the wine was beginning to work it’s magic and I began to notice the little things that a couple glasses of wine allow you to notice. Like the way she moved her toes, crossed her legs brushed her hair out of her face, and the color of her hazel eyes.
Everything seemed to slow down all at once and all at once I wanted to touch her… I was beyond being able to control myself, the excitement of having her near was growing and taking it’s toll.

I slid my foot out of my flip flops and moved my foot on top of hers. I’m not a foot fetish kind of guy but to touch her skin with mine made me flush a bit.

We continued talking about music, politics, food and wine, while we sat there and the band played on.

I moved closer, and took her leg, and began massaging her calf. A slight smile crossed her face and I could feel myself relax just a degree.

Moving closer still I began to massage her thigh.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“Something I’ve always wanted.” I said. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to touch you”

A slight rise of her eyebrows and a quick glance away, the "whatever" glance.

The crowd was beginning to thin and the sun was just about gone now. I slid my hand up to her crouch and massaged there a moment. She was warm and beginning to get moist. I’m glad I wasn’t alone because I was pitching more than a pup tent by now and the ache within was strong.

The waitress appeared and we ordered another bottle of wine. She smiled at us both for a moment then left. I’m sure this is not the first time she’s seen this sort of thing.

I returned to my seat and decided to cool my heals just a bit until our wine arrived.

Once the wine was opened and poured, I got up and walked behind her and put my cheek next to hers. I could smell her then, the sweet aroma of the wine on her breath, and sweet aroma of arousal. It’s very faint but it’s there and I can smell it.

“I’ve always wanted to do this too.” I said and kissed her cheek.

“hmmmm” she said.

I continued kissing along her jaw line to the top of her neck, just below the ear, a slight nibble on her earlobe. I could physically feel her shiver, and a slight moan.

My hands have moved to her shoulders and down her arms. It was getting harder and harder to control myself. I wanted her! I wanted to take her right there.
“You know, I can probably rub your back a little better if you were to sit on my lap facing me.” I said.

“Really now?” she said. “And how’s that suppose to work?”

“Well, I sit here, and you sit on my lap with facing away from me.”

“I see.” She said.

I sat down and she got up, and moved to my lap. Damn she felt good. She was sitting on my thighs so she couldn’t feel my hard on and that I was thankful for.

I began rubbing her back as she sipped on her wine. Her body felt good under my hands.

I took a sip of my wine and slid my hands under her shirt to rub her bear skin. I swear she shivered again. I was way beyond shivering, I was in full hard on to the point where if I didn't set myself free, I was going to damage something.

(to be continued)

Wild Ginger, Part I

It had been a long day and I needed to unwind a little so after checking into my hotel and changing into my favorite pair of shorts, polo, and flip-flops, I fancied upon a neighborhood bar/restaurant in this town in which I did not live. I walked in and sat down at the bar and ordered some wine, white in nature. I’ve never been one for the macho man bullshit, I like to think of myself as the strong silent type, suave, sophisticated. Yeah right… I keep telling myself that, I just like wine.

Anyway, I sat in the bar drinking wine and listening to the band that played outside… both the wine and the music were good, and they were both hitting the spot. I was beginning to relax.

I couldn’t help but notice her as she sat across the room with her friends. They were sharing a bottle of wine and laughing, talking about whatever women talk about when they are out on their own. Whatever it was it seemed quite funny and I couldn’t help but smile.

Her shoulder length dark hair bounced as she talked. She was one of those talkers that smiled as she talked and that proved to be infectious to those around her. She used her hands to express herself as well and it was all a big turn on. Every time she threw her head back exposing back exposing her creamy, sumptuous neck in laughter my heart pounded a little harder.

She wasn’t dressed provocatively, simply a pair of blue jeans, a white shirt and open toed shoes which showed her dark red toenails.

It was at the point of her second laughter I knew I had to spend some time with her. She is so full of life, the way she moved, the way she talked, and the way she laughed, I found myself consumed with passion which was evidenced by the tent I was beginning to pitch. Thank all that is right in the world for cloth napkins.

No, this was not the first time I had seen her, for I had know her for a few years and had always watched her with interest, the way she moved and talked even then was sexy, passionate, and a helluva turn on. She never knew I watch her then but I did and now I had a chance to watch her again and this time, yes this time I would do something about it.

Yeah, I know plans of such nature never go according to plan but, very rarely does someone strike such strong feelings within me. So what’s the worst that could happen, a slap? A scream? Or even worse a laugh?

Yeah, I was in a relationship and I knew she was too but, damn could she be the perfect woman… and that night she was. Funny thing is women like that never seem to know how perfect they are and I honestly don’t believe she realizes it to this day. I knew if I ever kissed her I would not be able to stop.

As I sat there watching, wondering, plotting how I would approach her and let her know just what she does to me both inside and out, she got up and headed toward the bathroom. Quickly I removed my camouflage and headed in her direction.

The point of decision was upon me, because I knew she had not seen me yet. So, I decided to play the “Opps I just brushed up against your ass and didn’t mean to” card.

I’ve been told that women “know” every time they are touched, even in a crowded room. Now was time to test the theory.

I quickened my pace and reached her as she reached for the bathroom door, and coolly played my card. Bingo! She turned a little startled and before I could get my apology out (no that's not guy code for anything), an instant look of recognition spread across her face and even a slight smile.

“Hi. Fancy meeting you here.” I said. “Sorry, about the ass thing.”

“No you aren’t!” she exclaimed, “I’ll let it slide this time. But, don’t let it happen again!” she said smiling and poking me in the chest.

With hands raised I said, “Never again!”

I continued, “Hey, I was wondering if you and your friends would like to go out on the patio and listen to the band? You could bring your wine”

Someone shuffled between us and headed to the women’s room and we decided it would be best to step out of the way.

“Well, we are almost done and I’m sure they need to go but I will be out there in a bit.” She said.

“Perfect.”

As I watched her walk away I couldn’t help but watch her ass… No, it’s not the tightest ass there has ever been but something in the way she moves, that walk, it sure makes any man look. I would have paid good money right then and there for a pair of x-ray glasses.

Damn, I was starting to pitch my tent again, this time without any sort of camouflage.

(to be continued)

Unsure

After our discussion last night it's really hard to tell what ur thinking. As connected as I would like to think we may be you seemed pretty freaked out.

I'm sorry about that, you being freaked out and all, if in fact you were.

I could be wrong but, my assessment is that, and you have even said this, need some time to get yourself figured out, and I can honor that. It's my estimation that you really have felt guilty lately and that's understandable, and this recent event has kinda pushed you over the edge where I am concerned.

Here's the deal, I don't want you to keep me around out of empathy or any such motive. You owe me nothing. You may think I'm overreacting but, it's just one of those feelings I have in my gut, can't really explain it, but when i said i would quit flirting with you, and you were quick to respond "OK", i think that's what pretty much sealed the deal on varifying my gut feeling.

Please tell me if I am wrong, because I've told you I will accept our reationship on whatever level it needs to be on, and that was true, even if we go back to being more of aquentances than friends, good friends, flirters, whatever.

It's not what I want but, I can live with it.

Hope all this makes sense, but you have to tell me what you want or don't want, cuz im the strong silent type (lol) remember? I will never force myself anywhere or into anything.

Detox

That’s what this weekend has been for me a detox from work, you, and along with all my demons, not implying that you are because you are truly not, on the contrary you are an intoxicant of an entirely different order. And, I’m sorry if I made have ever you feel uncomfortable at any point.

Anyway, I have taken your advice and tried working on my own relationship, but I think much like you said things go, in that regard, very much in cycles. I just hope the current cycle breaks and that it doesn’t repeat.

I suppose that’s what makes it difficult is that, the other one in the relations seems content, or at least not responsive to my effort. I think my next step will be to actually talk to her… hmmmm, what a concept, but not one I’m beyond.
Today was especially tough because my eldest and I spent some time talking and even crying about his frustrations. How I wish I could take those on for him, help him understand that life and people will always be frustrating. What frustrations you might wonder. With the one I’m married to because there are some differences in the way she handles him and yes I’ve talked to her about it but, she doesn’t see it.

If, I had know my kids would have felt this way, I really do wonder that question you had asked me before about how my life would have been different had I married someone else.

See, she’s not what I would describe as an affectionate person and I think that is part of my problem with her as well. The things I love about her, such as the fact that she speaks her mind, comes with a price and that’s the price. She gets extremely frustrated with him, and it effects how she handles him.

You may wonder if he’s a bad kid or unreasonable or an asshole. Well, yeah from time to time he can be, all kids can be but, to characterize him as such would not be fair. See he’s the epitome of me and when she does not accept him for who he is, that hurts, him and me. Funny thing is I don’t think she sees that. Maybe that’s something else I should talk to her about huh?

When I got married this time I said I would never put my kids through all that again, and probably will not, at least while they are living at home, and I will try to make things better for her, myself and my kids. But I’m kinda like you, or kind of like what you said onetime, basically I don’t know where I will be ten years from now or even less now when I do the math.

Don’t know why I am really writing this if nothing else, I know you will listen and it helps me to sort out my thoughts.

So, thank you for listening.

Thank You

Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me stuff. It might seem like a little thing to you but, you didn't know how I would react, and I know sometimes that can be the hardest thing of all, so thank you.

Conflicted

Yes I'm conflicted... Never thought of myself as being a complicated person, or even that I would be conflicted, but i do find myself being conflicted and I guess the fact that I would let the conflict continue does indeed prove that I am a little more complicated that I would like to think that I am.

Case in point. We spent time last night, and i had so much fun being with you playing with you. I enjoyed it when you came up behind me and put your hands on me. I had fun holding hands with you, joking with you and just generally having fun.

See when I'm with you seems like all my worries go out the window and I enjoy being with you. Then to spend the night with you sleeping next to you entangled with you, touching you.

Maybe it's an escape for a bit, a little living a fantasy of which you are the central object.

And yes I see the doubt and worry in your eyes sometimes and I wonder if you really wish you were not there at the moment, not because of how you feel about me but because you too are conflicted. I have always told you I would never push you and I won't. Anywhere we go, I want to go together, without pushing or prodding.

And then comes the conflict, the guilt the worrying that it will all come apart. The promises and/or observations that we can't put ourselves into those situations again, but I know the time will come again when it is just you and I and I would most likely willingly go.

I think what it all boils down to is that you do something to and for me and the more I get the more I want... I should learn to be happy with what I've got, and the fact that that you and i have something good without complicating it more should be a place where I can be happy.

Oh well, just my thoughts for this evening.

You Make Me Smile

I enjoyed talking to you today. Just so you know.

Listening

Maybe it’s because I’m listening to some mellow music tonight while I work but, I can’t help but think about you, and yes when I hear your voice my heart melts a little, and when you say my name even a little more. Why do you suppose that is, and you probably think that’s stupid. Most of my weekend was spent trying to not think about you and was somewhat successful, and chatting with you is one thing, but actually talking to you it’s just different somehow. Go figure.

I am very disappointed about the prospect of not being able to spend as much time with you as I wanted on the trip that was planned. It’s not about anything physical, cuz I promised I would try to be good… just hoping for a little time with you, drinking wine. I suppose we can still do that, it just won’t be the same.

Today I said that should make things easy for you, and what I meant was it would make it easy for to keep working on the things you are working on. Just want you to know that.

Thinking

Yeah, I think about you way more than I should but, I still do. I enjoyed spending time with you this week, you are good to be around.

I know i've said this before but you don't have to worry about me. And as weird as it seems I just enjoy watching you. You seemed to think I was thinking negitive things when I wasn't, you don't have to worry.

Yes, i feel a tinge of jealousy sometimes but, it's not all consuming, and I do think it's not all bad but as i've said before i don't worry about you and what you are thinking, in term of where I'm concerned. I hope you don't think i question you becuase i don't. I have no expectations i only count myself lucky to be able to spend time with you.

What i think sometimes is you will wake up and think what in the hell was i thinking with him. that's what i think about sometimes too when i seem deep in thought. he's really weird. lol you may have thought that already. oh well nothing i can do about that, all i can do is be myself.

oh and just so you don't think thoughts of how beautiful, sexy, smart and funny you are are ever far from my mind, they arent.

I hope that all makes sense, just want you to understand what goes though my mind.

Inspiration

All anyone wants, whether they know it or not, is to find their inspiration. Sometimes we find that inspiration within sometimes from without, and sometimes it’s a combination of both those.
I have never doubted myself, and though I know this is going to sound arrogant I know it to be true, and that is I am a wonderful person. Though I know this to be true, I do not always use this as my inspiration.

I do not rely on this to inspire me to be a better person, like wanting to be thinner, healthier, and happier. I suppose I have typically relied on those around me to provide me with inspiration. But that inspiration it seems like I am given is a lot like brussel sprouts I suppose, I know it’s good for me but I sure hate the way it tastes.

This type of inspiration seems contingent upon something… like I am not good enough the way I am and someone would find me more acceptable if I would only do this or that or lose weight or whatever.

The inspiration you have given me is a lot like an orange, in that I like oranges, and it’s good for me too.

We all want to be accepted for who we are and when we are in that place of safety no matter what the circumstances there is inspiration. For me there is that inspiration to make myself a better person.

Something very personal to each and everyone of us is sex, and acceptance. This is something that has lacked for a while in my life and the sad thing is I’m very much sexual person and I think I relate that to acceptance many times. And I know personally, I was/do feel rejected because of lack of sex and therefore acceptance.

It’s not for lack of trying, we all get older our bodies, and none of us are what we use to be. And I doubt that may of us are how we see ourselves in our mind’s eye. Changing doesn’t bother me in the lease as long as there is acceptance. In the absence of acceptance we are left with a choice, to accept what we are given or turn to the inspiration within ourselves.

In knowing you, I have felt your acceptance, conflicted though it may be, but acceptance none the less and in that I have found inspiration. I have also learned to look within myself to a greater degree for my inspiration as well.

Thank you for inspiring me.

Lusty Day

I couldn’t get thoughts of you out of my mind today. I tried, quite unsuccessfully, I might add, not think about rolling around on the bed with you, touching you, and generally being passionate with you.

Just thought you might want to know... those thoughts ain't going away.

Don’t Bring Me Down

I really do fail to understand why people have to be so negative, especially those that are close to us. I don’t think they intend to be negative but it seems to happen over time, in little bits. It’s those little bits that add up to become or at least contribute to a landslide at some point.
I refuse to give in to the negativism that is thrust upon me, though it does bring me down. I can no longer look outward or to those around me for some sense of recurrence. That suits me fine too, though it does make life more difficult from time to time.

Still this realization begs me to question if I do this to those around me. I really don’t think I do though I’m sure from time to time I have not always been as supportive as I could have but I do make a conscious effort to build those around me up.

I will continue to do this, even when those around me don’t or aren’t willing to do the same.

Is Everything Okay?

You can ask as often as you want, but I will promise you this if anything is bothering me I will let you know. It's kinda like you expect me to spring something on you. I'm not all that complicated, so I don't think I have any surprises. :-)

This week ended good because I got to spend some time just hanging out with you... Just so you know, every time I think back on the times we spend together I just start smiling.

Feelings

The hardest part for me is the feeling that I have to put my feelings back into a box when you left today. It didn’t occur to me that’s what was bothering me but upon reflection, that’s exactly what it feels like. When I’m with you I can let them out for a little while and share them with you. Yes, there are feelings of guilt that come later that I shouldn’t be sharing those feelings with you but when I’m with you that’s not what I’m thinking or feeling.

You said today that others have noticed a difference in you and more to the point your significant other has noticed a difference and seems to be making an effort, and I’m paraphrasing, “if we can use our knowing each other to help with our personal relationships, that can’t be all bad”. I suppose it can’t, and I can’t argue with that too much.

I want you to get your passion back, I want you to be happy and as unbelievable as it may sound, I hope you find that in a place where you can feel good about it.

Not to worry I’m not going anywhere, I value you too much. (that sounds kinda stupid doesn’t it but, it’s true) or maybe we just need to figure out the boundries together. I think that's what we were saying today.

I can't lie to you, I don't know why that is... I've answered every question, difficult or not that you have asked me. So believe me when I say this, you are wonderful, sexy, and special to me.

The Good, The Bad and The Ulgy

The Good

My lips are still tingling from the kisses we shared. My head is still swimming from the look in your eyes. To feel your skin next to mine was incredible and I can still feel you next to me. When you talk to me in your sweet voice I simply melt. I know it may be hard to believe but everything about you brings my passion to life.There is not a doubt that the sex with would be incredible, but I think this is not only because it would be purely physical. If we could both keep it there then we both would probably be okay.

The Bad

There is not a doubt that the sex with would be incredible, but I think this is not only because it would be purely physical, but the way you wrap yourself around me, body and soul. Yes that’s what I feel when I’m in your arms. If we could both keep it there then we both would probably be okay.

The Ulgy

So where does it end. That’s the ugly part and the question of the moment and for that I do not have an answer. The guilt is pretty ulgy too. When I'm with you I don't think about it or feel it, but once I am away from you and I'm back to were I'm suppose to be I do feel it. All I know is that you make me feel something I haven’t felt in a long time. No I don’t have the answers. So what should we do?

I Wish

I suppose it’s easy for me to throw myself into this because I’ve gone without passion for a long time. I told you that it’s easy for me to compartmentalize and to a degree that’s true, but, something you may not know about me is that I can be compulsive, and I suppose that’s why I willing to throw myself into this without thinking too much. I think that is a better answer to your question how can I be so willing to be involved with you, I think I just want it, not that I compartmentalize so much.

Yes too I wish that we were meeting each other for the first time, both of us single, willing and able.

I wish I had the answers but I don’t, I only know I think you are fantastic, beautiful, smart and sexy and I look forward to hearing your voice, and seeing your face.

Damn, this can't end good, can it?