I have become weary.
At least for the moment my passion has left me. The music I enjoy holds nothing. The running I do, because I have to. The work I do, because it is required of me. I am tired of trying to please those around me, who’s expectations spoken or not press down, smothering the very breath and life out of me.
I hate this feeling, and the dread that comes with it. The dread that just when I think something worse can’t happen, it usually does.
It is during these times I realize my failures, and short comings, for I know they exist but it is during my times of weariness they come crashing in and engulf my being.
Maybe it’s a normal part of life the ebb and flow, the yin to balance the yang. So the weariness must be endured.
I suppose I should be thankful that it does not occupy my life for even greater periods.
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5 years ago
2 comments:
Yes, I've been there. Actually, I descend there for a day or two about every two weeks. It's hard to say what prompts it, but it's usually something small that brings me out of it - a song that randomly comes up on my Ipod, an invitation to ice cream. It's the stupid little things - that both bring me up and bring me down. Did something specific bring you to this point?
It was actually something very little like you say, and totally unexpected. It was a realization of all I have responsibility for and it was a bit overwhelming.
So do you think it means we are all on the edge? Ready to spiral into some bit of despair or desperation?
I sure hope not, because I am generally a very optimistic person, always hoping and believing the best.
Like you, this does happen from time to time and I do have to be careful I don’t slip into my self-destructive tendencies, which I think I have managed to avoid this time. So far anyway.
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