I’ve given some thought in response to some comments about expectations and have come to a conclusion or two and it wasn’t until I was actually doing this that I realized something about myself. I am a list person of sorts. You would never guess that by looking at my desk, I got shit everywhere. Nor do I make lists when I go to my local Wal-Mart. But when it comes to matters of this nature I do have to organize.
Anyway, this seems the logical way to deal with expectations:
Note: before you read any further, it is not one of my desires, fantasies, or expectations to have my toes sucked. Toe sucking is merely the first thing that popped into my head to use as an example.
Determine my expectations, not only from others but from myself as well. We can all pretty much come up with a list of expectations we have of others and they generally start with “I wish she would suck my toes.”
Evaluate my expectations and ask myself if they are reasonable or not. An unreasonable expectation might be “I wish she would suck my toes and tell me she loves it.” Because I know she has this thing about feet.
Express my expectations in as non-confrontational manner as possible. I mean I could say “Suck my toes, bitch!” but that might not be a wise move on my part.
Reevaluate my expectations based on feedback. Given the previous example “she” might say something like. “Fuck you! You son of a bitch!” With this helpful feedback I could rephrase my expectations… “Would you please suck my toes?” Then ever so softly, “bitch.”
All said and done this has been a good exercise for me.
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5 years ago
2 comments:
Hey, I just had my toes sucked for the first time recently and it was AWESOME!!!
I realize that wasn't the point.
I've been trying to figure out what doesn't resonate with me about these expectation posts. I expect things of myself, but I expect very litte of others. I feel like this leads to happiness? Not sure...
This sounds entirely reasonable to me, and I TOTALLY believe you about the toes. Not!
Okay, I'm just teasing you :)
Intimacy comes from risk. Even in very longstanding relationships, there is STILL plenty of risk, just as much risk as there is in an affair.
It's not necessarily one bit easier to reveal yourself to a partner and risk their rejection in a relationship you've been in for years or a decade or more than it is to do the very same thing with a new partner.
It's entirely possible to get your heart broken by someone you've been married to for years. After all, what else can you call that feeling of despair, that they will never change, never love you the way they once did or the way they never did but you fervently wish they would? One's heart is broken.
It makes it very difficult to clean out the filter in the coffeemaker and make a fresh pot. Or engage in the other activities of daily living. This heartbroken state, it is the casualty ward of the spirit.
And in the end we gotta take out our stuff and put it on the table and let other people take it or leave it. Because they, too, are individual humans with their own hopes and dreams and inner unmet desires and they have to make their own choices, good, bad, and ugly. Because those choices are their life, and we can't take those choices from them. We can't make them choose anything, not if we really believe that they deserve the same chance to make their world agree with their soul as we do.
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