Why

"I was born a poor black child." - Steve Martin, The Jerk

Not much do I remember from this movie, but I do remember that line. And I remember too that he had a "special purpose" and that special purpose is something that was meant to be cherished and guarded. He did eventually share his special purpose, as best I can remember with someone that loved and respected him.

I suppose deep within each of us there is a need for acceptance and approval, and depending on the various factors in our life, that need for acceptance ebbs and flows depending with whom we are interacting with at different points in our lives.

Why do should this even be mentioned? Because the need for acceptance and approval drives our actions and reactions to those around us.

When we are in relationships with people that we have committed to make a part of our lives, for the rest of our lives, and we find our need for acceptance and approval not being fulfilled then that creates quite a quandary.

We have two options as I see it, possibly three:

Option 1. We can exist within the relationship without ever trying to change anything.

In reality, this is rarely the answer. Yes, sometimes it is the easiest route, and only one person in the relationship receives fulfillment. And if the person who's needs are not getting fulfilled doesn't feel comfortable or can't try option 2, they will either accept the relationship on the terms dealt to them, or they will go to option 3.

Option 2. Try to change the relationship dynamic so we receive approval and acceptance.

This is probably the first course of action for most people, to try and work out relationship difficulties so both parties receive what they need in the relationship. While this is usually the first course of action.

Option 3. Look elsewhere.

It should be noted that persons finding themselves at option 3, might not actively be looking outside their primary relationship, or at least not aware they are but, they NEED approval and acceptance, and sometimes when it comes to relationships they are found out. There is a vacuum. And Thoreau had something to say about that:

“Nature abhors a vacuum, and if I can only walk with sufficient carelessness I am sure to be filled.”
-- Henry David Thoreau

Mr. Thoreau also said:

“There is no remedy for love but to love more.”

Suffice it to say that I have been through all the options, and I have vacillated between option 1 and option 2 for a while, for it seems when one approaches a relationship using option 2, things get better for awhile but then they revert.

I have said all that as a background before I give you the backdrop to this play that is I.R. Shackleford.

Yes, there is a Mrs. Shackleford, but if you called her that she would think you are crazy, for you see, she knows nothing about this blog, I doubt she would understand (i.e. she's not THAT open minded), nor would she understand the therapeutic remedy it has provided.

I've found it a point of interest, that no one has asked me why "I.R. Shackleford" or "Shackleford Diaries" as the name for a blog, because I don't expect that anyone thinks that is my real name.

This blog was started as a result of someone expressing interest in me, and yes giving me the approval and acceptance that I needed and needed but, really wasn't looking for at the time. This blog was a way for me to express my thoughts and feelings toward this person when I felt the need. I knew she would read it from time to time.

For reasons, I still do not fully understand, her circumstance changed and the approval and acceptance I had come to expect were no longer there. It was very short lived.

In the process of documenting my thoughts and feelings I ran across those of a kindred spirit. They have commented on this blog, and I theirs. I follow with interest what they have to say, and with what they are going through.

In a funny sort of way, and I know this is really sad, they have provided a sense of approval and acceptance, and for that I am thankful. I have come to appreciate the minds and people behind these blogs because of what they write, it is real, heartfelt and intelligent.

I hope this makes sense.