Chemistry

I found this while wondering about the "chemistry" involved between two people. Why two people seem to be attracted to each other on a level that's difficult to describe. You can't really explain why the attraction is and why it seems to grow but the blurb below kinda explains alot about chocolate. PEA is in chocolate.

Physical attraction (or lust) generally begins during our first contact
with someone. It can DEVELOP into something more over time, yet some pull is
there from the beginning. The chemical that results from this attraction (and
intensifies it) is phenyl ethylamine - or PEA. It is a naturally occurring
substance in the brain. Essentially, it is a natural amphetamine. It stimulates
us and increases both physical and emotional energy. The attraction causes us to
produce more PEA, which results in those dizzying feelings associated with
romantic love. Another substance that is released by PEA is dopamine. This
chemical increases a desire to be physically close and intimately connected.

Desire

Today was a good day, and i am continually amazed by my friend. Her willingness to talk, and the openness with which she communicates. She has inspired me to do something I haven't done in a very long time. Yep I wrote a poem. Yeah it's stupid, but I find it to be very therapeutic, relaxing and helps me wrap my little mind around things I'm thinking about.

She seems to be waking in me something that I've hidden for a while and even though I don't understand it all I know I feel 100 different things at once.

Anyway, this is what I came up with today. It is a result of some of our discussions today and helps me to understand my thoughts and feelings.

Burning deep within,
Easily suppressed;

Aching to be free,
Never is repressed;

Desire turned in,
After much reject;

Begins to wane,
After such neglect;

Withers to little,
More than an ember;

Yet still it smolders,
Waiting to remember.

Trust

It is impossible to go through life without trust: That is to be imprisoned in the worst cell of all, oneself.

- Graham Greene

The question of trust came up with my friend today, and I have spent a good bit of time thinking about what it means to trust someone, and I began to wonder is there someone we can trust with anything, IS there someone I can trust with anything, and the answer I came up with was maybe.

I suppose there needs to be some constraints and common ground already in place, something to build on if you will. By that I mean you just can't walk up to a stranger on the street and decide to trust them and vice versa and everything work out in the end.

I think my friend and I have found our common ground and we are working on that me thinks, even if she doesn't realize that. We are learning to trust each other more and more a little bit at a time.

I do know that when I talk to her a little smile comes on my face, and when we aren't talking or hanging out I wonder what she's doing. I point this out because these are the little things that go to building trust.

There will come times when we are asked by one or the other to trust more and i guess we will cross that bridge when we come to it.

Good Luck With That

As we continue to talk it is rather evident that we have views that are pretty much diametrically opposed. Personally I find this quite intriguing because as I have already stated, she is very smart and I respect her opinion. I might not agree but, I do respect her opinion and I actually enjoy hearing her thoughts on various topics, and relish the chance to “discuss” them.

On a couple of topics such as global warming, you can hear the silence, and the “wheel turning” look, like she’s doing a quick calculation or two. And then she will say, “I don’t believe that”. Implying, “how can a seeming intelligent person such as yourself actually believe that”. I suppose it’s a good thing that doesn’t bother me, hell, I actually enjoy it.

She did say that she would think I was smarter if I agreed with her and that made me smile. Then, I ask her if she would still respect me if I agreed with her. Yes, she said… That made me smile more, because I find it hard to believe she would respect me if I agreed her for the sake of agreeing or trying to impress.

Goodness I love her mind. She makes me think, and of course I will give her every opportunity to change my mind on any subject we may broach.

Good luck with that.

Chemistry

It is a rare thing to find someone you can be yourself with and in all honesty that is something I've looked for, for a while. I like to think that I've found that in my friend I have been talking to recently. I think I enjoy talking to her because I learn more about her every time.

Maybe it's a bit of insecurity on my part, because she still keeps sticking around, and hasn't blown me off.

I know we are just at the beginning of our relationship but it does bring to mind a statement I heard many years ago and it went something like:

"if at the end of your life you can count on one hand the number of people that are your true friends, then you have done well"

Ok, now that I actually read that in writing it sounds kind of funny, but to me it says that so many times it is hard to find anyone, or someone that you would consider a true friend, someone that you can trust with anything, even at 2AM.

I think that's what so intriguing about her, because I look forward to seeing her, talking to her but it goes beyond that. I am attracted to her on a physical level too. On a physical level, yes for her body, but for her mind too.

I suppose that's what "they" mean by chemistry, because when I'm around her I feel the chemistry and I lean more toward keeping that in check, and she does too but, it's there none the less, and I like it.

She's good for my ego.

Chemistry, desire, lust, unfulfilled needs, or doubt

Chemistry, desire, lust, unfulfilled needs, or doubt. These are just a few of the words that come to mind when thinking about why one would consider stepping outside of what those that are closest close to us would think to be “normal” or acceptable.

This week I had a chance to spend some more time with this person that seems to be so much like me, and personally I find a deeper connection. It’s not love but probably some combination of all those things mentioned above. No I don’t know if they feel it too, nor to the degree that I do.

My assessment of these things in part, and I believe on their part is this: I have always had a healthy opinion of myself, I have never doubted my self-worth but one can only go so long without having that self-worth affirmed and reaffirmed.

I think that’s it in a nutshell, this draw I have toward this person and vice-versa me thinks. I do not believe that either of us is willing to change our lives at this point, not in our interaction, but in our own lives as well, and I would never do anything to complicate nor cause problems for either of us in our personal or work lives.

I will simply say this. Thank you for giving a little of yourself to me. I have told you that you are good for my ego, not because of anything you say or do but because of who you are and you have let me in a little bit.

And I know you don’t seem to believe me but I guess I will keep saying it until you do, I find you incredibly attractive, always have, I would have never in a million years though you found me interesting.

Monday Come Hither

Well, tomorrow is Monday and for once in a long time the dread that comes with Monday morning has yet to rear it’s ugly little head and I think the reason for that is Stephanie.

Ya see, Stephie was a girl I knew in 9th or 10th grade who looked exceptionally good in overalls when overalls were in style. Needless to say that style hasn’t been around in a few years but ever since then I’ve had a affection for women wearing overalls.

To make a not so long story even shorter, nothing ever happened between Stephie and I, but she was the reason I looked forward to Monday mornings for half a school year or so.

I suppose I feel that way today knowing there is something to look forward to tomorrow. Silly, proabaly but, it is what it is.

Doggone It.

It is amazing to me the feelings and/or thoughts animals impart to us human beings. Maybe impart isn't the right word, more like inspire. Yes, inspire is the right word.

Case in point, food. I have noticed that when I have food and said food is being readily consumed by the party of the first part, that's me, in the presence of the party of the second part, let's say a dog, and more to the point MY dog, though that point may be lost on my dog, the party of the first part, for all intents and purposes and for reasons unbeknownt to me, I am my dog's best friend.

He can look at me with such love, if dogs can truly love, and show/have affection. He imparts to me through those soft brown eyes of his his undying loyalty and it truly warms my heart for we have bonded. We are two very different creatures for what ever reason that have been brought together by forces beyond our control.

In all reality, he's probably just looking for a handout but I will take what I can get.

Of course if they actually do impart thoughts and/or feelings to humans, then I might have a self-defense and I am sure somewhere throughout history that defense has been tried.

Maybe work won't be so bad in the morning... I have a message from my dog to share with everyone tomorrow!

When You Least Expect It

To me it is interesting how persons of like situations seem to be drawn together, for whatever reason.

Case in point, I had the chance to talk to and get to know someone that I have always found interesting, funny, and attractive and it seems they are going through some of the same things I am going through.

Yes, it’s all a little convoluted, complicated if you will, from the standpoint that we are both involved in relationships already and yes, there are the feelings of guilt that goes along with that I suppose because it’s not something that comes easy.

We have do not have any ground rules for our relationship, I believe there is a mutual attraction, physical and on other levels as well.

What I hope they learn, if nothing else, from our talks and time is that they are wonderful, smart, attractive, and I’ve always found them sexy and I hope that they can take that little bit of knowledge with them and it encourages them.

What I do find hard to believe is that they may think those things about me because I don’t necessarily see those things in myself.

Maybe that’s where the convergence is… we both want to believe that someone sees those things in us from someone we see those things in.

So what to do? Time will tell.

My Confession

Confess to you my inner most thoughts,
Is that what you need, to hear them?

I've taken for granted they were evident
Not something I do on a whim.

You consume each thought, each moment
From the time that I awake.

Lost in thoughts of us in the bed,
Things neither of us can fake.

Or how I wait to hear from you
A letter, a word, a text or email.

You consume my actions,
I do it without fail.

I dream of us alone, on a blanket,
Under the shade of a tree,

Nothing there between us,
Where we can be free.

In answer to your question,
It's beyond my control,

When the evening comes,
In my dreams its you I behold.

-- I.R. Shackleford